Something that has been swirling through my head as of lately is how much more productive we would be if we didn't have so many distractions. I don't mean the regular distractions of spilled milk, gum in my little's hair and neck (YES, I said neck, which by the way I didn't see until 2 days later), flat tires, and missed alarms, I mean the things that distract us emotionally and spiritually. Like what if we didn't focus so much on what we looked like or didn't look like? What if our mental and emotional energy wasn't expended daily regarding what we put into our mouth or didn't put into our mouth? What if we weren't mentally drained at the end of every day going over our to-do list realizing we didn't "do" half the things we said we would. Many times by the end of the day we feel like we have failed our families and ourselves. When we are constantly distracted by our "less thans," we waste a ton of emotional and mental energy. Ultimately we are so focused on self that we don't focus on others.
I have been here, oh, how I sometimes live here...I have cared about how others perceive me, or how good or not good I am at something. I have been focused on things that I can't control, and let things I could control, defeat me. The worst thing is instead of doing something about it,I am distracted by it, whine about it, get mad about it, and apologize for it.
And while the world is spinning around me, needing, wanting, asking for ME, the ME that gives value to others, I am too busy being distracted about the thoughts of me being "less than."
I think for many of us we can get into this cycle of distraction. We are distracted by our "less-thans" or our "want-thans" (totally made that word up). We are distracted by the way we will never look or the things we can't seem to attain. We focus on the 10lbs we can't get rid of, and it distracts us from feeling beautiful, which makes us insecure around others, and makes us feel vulnerable in dressing rooms or with skinny friends. We can never quite feel present because we are so distracted by comparison.
Some of us might be distracted with how overwhelmed we are with life. We just can't seem to keep it all together. We are distracted by our failures as a mom, wife, friend, and instead of doing something about it or just accepting this season, we hole up in a closet and shut everyone out until we get our crap together. And the whole "holed up" option doesn't work it just distracts us and alienates us from others. PEOPLE actually notice when you ignore them for a month. Who knew?
Many of us use the apology cop out. We just apologize all day long as to why our house looks a certain way, or our kids behave the way they do, or why we look a hot mess.
I have fallen into the apology category LOTS. "Sorry my house is a mess, sorry I forgot to do this, sorry, sorry....blah blah blah," constantly apologizing about why I don't have it all together might make me feel humble and small, but it really just makes me self-centered, angsty or discontent, portraying myself as ungrateful for what I do have and can do.
I free myself and others when I accept ME, MY body, what MY house looks like after my 2 kids have lost their minds in my "pretty room, " and a friend unexpectedly stops by. I free myself and those around me when I accept the things I didn't get done on my to-do list or the people I think I let down today.
Isn't it so freeing when others don't make apologies for the messes? I always find such a breath of fresh air attached to those who accept the mess, the imperfections, their season. Those who don't ever say sorry, but just invite me in regardless, because this is who they are RIGHT NOW. It is a part of who they are and they are completely comfortable in their skin and environment. That's who I want to hang out with, that's who I want to be like.
What is it that is distracting you? What are you making apologies for? What is it that you can't stop thinking about? Is it your body? Your season in life? Your "less-thans" or "want-thans?" Can you imagine what a world of difference we would make if we weren't distracted, or weren't always apologizing for being YOU? How would things be different if we saw ourselves the ways others saw us. Unique, kind, loving, valuable, a great parent, spouse. The things we fail to see because we are so distracted by something else.
The greatest value I can give to others is ME. The hot mess me, the working on my quick temper me, the exhausted me, the happy and joyful me, the energetic me, the business side of me, and the compassionate side of me. ME is just ME. It's who God made me with all my weird quirks, ambitions, dreams, and broken failures. I will always be working on being less of ME, and being MORE of Him. With Him, I will not focus on my "less thans", or "want thans", because HE is ENOUGH! Every day I must go to Him, expectant and knowing that He will fill me up. None of "this" or "that" will do it, only Him. This will be a journey I will be on my forever-live long-days. So right now no more apologies, no more distractions, I want new perspective. I want clear eyes to see the things I already have, who I am, and most important whose I am. I want a full heart, NO MORE "want thans." I would like to borrow the greatest line ever, from the greatest show ever....
p.s (if you have not watched this entire season of Friday Night Lights on Netflix, do so now! Be prepared to say goodbye to all productivity and all to-do lists. Actually you should just write ONE PHRASE on your to-do list. WATCH FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, tell your children to enjoy leftovers and take out for the next week).