Processing through this journey has made it more bearable. It has almost felt like a funeral at times. People saying the nicest and kindest things imaginable, tears, hugs, and goodbyes are the worst. Even though we are only 8 hours away the community that I am used to energetically being a part of won't be the same. For the last 2 years we have had people in and out of our house like a revolving door. Girls would show up at my house at 5pm on Mondays and Thursdays and many times hang around until after workout is over. We would talk about life, encourage, and many times challenge one another through our daily trials and celebrations. I know what it truly feels like to have authentic and genuine community on a deep deep level. This is something I will always cherish.
This past week were a lot of "lasts," last KHOPS, last workouts, last day of school for Holden, last hugs, last taco Tuesday. Everything felt like a last for me....and I dragged it out as long as I could. I mean we had a pizza party the night before we left when we had much more things to do, but I just couldn't bear not having one more time together with the people who were my life.
One of the things that I cherish the most was speaking words over some of my KHOP girls. Not just any words, but who I really saw them to be. How they inspired me and how I loved them. I was able to take some on a retreat and give them a journal which I wrote what I "see" in them. They in turn all wrote in each other's journals as well as mine. I think we all want to be known, our good, our bad, our ugly and still be accepted.
I love being known. Why do you think I pick the restaurants I do...if they remember my name after I have been there a few times, I am in. If they remember my kid's names, I am there forever. Why do you think I gripe every time Grant and I go to the SAME PHO restaurant EVERY week, and when I walk in the door the host acts like he has never seen me? REALLY? I am here at the same time, every week, in my same sweaty yoga clothes, with my husband, carrying the same coconut water, ordering the same thing #1 on the menu with extra hot sauce. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW ME? (Ok, I do believe language barrier could count for something.) But this is why Taco Tuesday took over Pho, because waiter knew my name and my order second time. BOOM! We like to be known even in the little things.
It's amazing how others can view us completely different then we view ourselves and words have the ability to touch us in the most tender of places. Words can stay with us FOREVER. I still remember words that were said years ago, both negative and positive. The last day of our KHOP workout with everyone I gave everyone a 3 rope bracelet, to represent the scripture Ephesians 4:12 "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Because we had been a team all year doing the hard things; not just in working out, but in life too. I tied the bracelet on each person and then spoke words of who I had seen them become this year.
I was able to tell:
Coco, that she would change the world someday. Her passion and pursuit of excellence was amazing.
Jen, that she was strong and brave not just in workouts, but in her career and in life. She learned to punch fear in the face and walk out confidently on the other side.
Maggie, inspired me to do hard things. She went through one of the toughest times of her life and she came out with optimism and perseverance.
Laura, that she was one of the toughest and bravest persons I know.
Lucas, he had one of the biggest hearts I know, I trust him with things that get done.
Lizzie, I have seen her come into her own at KHOP but also as a new confident mom.
Ashley, my most sweet and tender soul who has walked through the storm of all storms living into her name of victory
Megan, how she inspired me to be a great mom but still pursue my passions with excellence.
But why do moments like these only have to happen when we say goodbye or when we have some momentous event? Why aren't these the words I say to others when I am in their presence just in the day to day, normal life. No, I don't need to have some crying session in the middle of dinner on a random Tuesday night, but I should be leaving others with words of life regularly. This doesn't just mean the people I have as KHOPPERS or my friends but this means my family, my husband, my in-laws, my kids, the people I am in contact each day.
For me it's cutting the distractions and really being present and recognizing the great things about others, and then speaking them out loud to them. It's helping others see how Christ sees them, it's helping others have a pep in their step when they leave your presence. I want to SPEAK words of LIFE.