Let me first tell you how this picture came about. So I have this 5 year-old who is beyond awesome. He is for the most part well-mannered and doesn't get in trouble too much. He cares about his sissy deeply and even when she beats the snot out of him he hardly ever retaliates and is always the first one to break.
Sissy Carter Mae is my little spit fire. She is fierce and fun, but doesn't let anyone off the hook too easily. She fights her brother and does everything with every fiber of her being. The time-out chair is her second home. She might as well monogram her name in the corner. This week we walked into the house and sissy started crying in the kitchen. I hadn't seen what had happened, but I asked Holden, and he said, "I kicked her." I was shocked. WHAT THE WHAT? Are you sure YOU kicked HER? Do you mean SHE kicked YOU?
Nope.
So Holden was punished and went to the time-out chair. Sissy immediately stopped crying and was so confused as to why her brother WHO has NEVER visited the time-out chair in her 2 years of existence would be in "her" place. We have asked our kids to verbally say they are sorry when they have wronged the other and we ask the one wronged to say, "I forgive you." I would love to be the one who took credit for this great parenting advice, but I suck at sorry's, sooooo Grant was the one who came up with this one.
After Holden went to the time-out chair he said, "I am sorry!" And sis says, "I forgib you bubby!" "I make you feel better." She IMMEDIATELY forgave the wrong doing and tried to comfort her brother who was devastated. I snuck around the corner to capture this as well as watch her kiss his tear-stained cheeks.
That same morning I had just read and talked about forgiveness with some of the girls I meet for lunch on Tuesdays. And this was the beautiful picture I saw later that day. It touched me because this picture is well, adorable, if I do say so myself. But it also haunted me, because this ISN'T me most of the time.
First of all I am NOT quick to say I am sorry. I hem and haw and think of all the ways I was RIGHT. This is what matters to me, who cares if I hurt someone in the process. I just need to know I was right and I need the other person to also realize this. Many times I have been ok with just being RIGHT, and not SORRY. Even though sorry is what the other person needed and really deserved from me.
Many times the thing about repentance and forgiveness is that it isn't deserved. It's something that is NOT the EASY thing to do, but it is the RIGHT thing to do. We are called to repent and forgive with every ounce of our being whether it is deserved or not.
I have friends who have endured some incredible heart ache. People who have done unspeakable things to crush them and by the world's standards NEVER deserve forgiveness. So we don't forgive and we let the pain, the hurt and injustice seep into our being until it becomes one with us. And we are never truly set free. Because we can never truly forgive.
Then there are some of us who have an easier time forgiving others, but can't seem to forgive ourselves. We hold ourselves to this ridiculous standard and when we fail to meet our expectations we blame ourselves and carry the load of guilt and shame like it's attached to us. We hate our decisions and then hating our decisions becomes about hating ourselves. We won't forgive ourselves for the pain we inflict on others even when the person we have wronged doles out undeserved grace and mercy.
We don't forgive ourselves for the tiny choices that become big and destructive like hating our body or our looks. We choose to not forgive ourselves for not getting it together or being the person we said we would be this January. The things like not getting in shape, eating right, or failing over and over again at our goals.
As Easter season is upon us I am reminded more and more of forgiveness and reconciliation and what it means to have a truly repentant heart.
We have a Savior who died for us. Not because we are great at saying sorry, or because we even deserve forgiveness, but because we are special and he loves us. (Isaiah 43:4)
It isn't deserved, yet he did the unspeakable because he loves us that much.
This week and the weeks in the future I am asking Him for a truly repentant heart. One that is quick to ask for forgiveness when I have hurt another and one who covers those who have hurt me with graceful sloppy hugs and kisses.
Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
My forgiveness mindset:
Be quick to say I am sorry
Don't be concerned about being right
Extend forgiveness to others wholeheartedly
Freely give grace to myself
Let FREEDOM wash over me.