Holden (8 years-old) and Carter Mae or we lovingly call her sis (4 years-old) have had a goal of reading a certain amount of hours this summer so they could get prizes from our local library. I am all about bribing my kids to read. Bravo Library! At the first of the summer we were reading like a boss. I was so ready to have one of those SUPER SUMMER READER signs in my front yard, and then it was August and we hadn't even got past 5 hours, (I would like to point out I was away for much of July, I like to make excuses for why sometimes I am summer sucky mom.) So anyways Holden has 5 more hours to read and only 5 days to do it. Poor sis has a million hours to read, and it's not like she can even read, but at least she needs to try or at least listen while I am reading to her. But I mean, lets be real I am not reading 10 hours in the next 5 days to her. Sue me.
So Holden reads in the car, at home, on the way to practice, on the way home from soccer practice. He surpasses his hours and he gets not only a pleathora of 5 hour prizes, but also 10 hour prizes. Hooray! Sis on the other hand, doesn't read, she plays with princesses and does her own thing, but still wants that prize. Um, no, doesn't work like that. Holden asks me a couple of times to just WRITE her some "extra" hours on the very savy, library computer minute log thingy. But I say, that would be cheating, she just won't get her prize, she didn't work for it, and you did. Fair is fair.
So today we headed to the library, one day before the cut-off, (yep, we were early), and claimed Holden's prizes. Holden got his coupons, and sweat band, and sno cone tickets, and raffle tickets, and all the hoopla for being an awesome reader, (I mean dude racked up).
Once we get in the car I start my very VALUABLE LESSON TALK. "Sis, I know you weren't able to get all the hours this year, but let's tell Holden how proud we are of him and his hard work. Let's celebrate Holden's accomplishment today."
"Ummm, what the *&#$# mom," was basically the look on her face. (Good thing, I have never had that feeling before.)
Her little human nature, the one we all have to fight against just couldn't say it, she just couldn't get past that she didn't get something she wanted, and someone else did. I mean we like to joke, that sis is just a mini-me who hasn't learned how to filter quite yet. I saw a bit of my younger self in her at that moment. Those feelings of jealousy and less than-ness creep up in all of us, or maybe it's just me. I am so competitive and when someone else is better or works harder, that's like a knife in my heart. I have really had to pray, train, practice, to celebrate the heck out of others, and do it with a genuine heart. And now, it's one of my favorite things to see someone else do great, because I know there is enough light for everyone to shine, someone's success should motivate and inspire us not make us feel less than, but little sis doesn't know that yet. So I want to instill it in her at a young age.
Back in the car: So instead of celebrating her brother, she starts to get a boo-boo lip, and then big welled-up crocodile tears start falling down her cheeks. I am driving so I can't see what everything that is transpiring behind me.
Holden says, "Mom, sis is really sad, she's crying." I look back and she most definitely is silently crying. Big ol' drops landing on her car seat one at a time. The hard to look at tears. Not saying a word, just silent tears of defeat. Then Holden in the matter of seconds says, "She's ok now mom, I gave her my 5 hour prizes."
Wha????, I think. No, wait a second, she does not deserve those prizes. She chose not to read, she doesn't just get things because she cries and makes your heart melt. No, this is not the value I was trying to teach. This is actually the EXACT opposite of what we were trying to impart in her character today. And then I think of all the times I don't deserve things and the melty-heart people who love me regardless of my actions. And thank God for those people.
I mean seriously, how do you tell a kid, whose heart is Jesus and Santa all wrapped into one, NOT to be generous and sacrificial. Well, you don't! You let it be, and realize your daughter has walked away with the fact that at this exact moment, she has unlocked the key to her being lazy. She will just do what she wants, and then when she doesn't work hard, and doesn't garner success, she just cries and looks sad, and then someone will just have melty-heart like her brother and give her what she wants.
Geez, parenting is so hard.